Horrors and Today

I took a short walk with my dad as I often do. It is cooler. I walk only as far as I can. I like the cool weather. Something I saw in nature triggered me bad, I saw the random suffering, confusion, not knowing the answer, pain, un-sureness, horror of not knowing.

When I went inside I felt overwhelmed. I wanted to die. I felt burdened and crushed, violated to the depths of my soul and traumatized from existing. I just wanted to die again, it was so painful all over again- being reminded I live on a planet full of horrors.
I needed to soothe myself so I thought of my goddess.I freaked out more because I felt, no shes not going to save me. If she was powerful she would have reached out and held me already. Shes not powerful. But yet i still feel drawn to her and feel i am hers.

I sent an email off to a wise friend, I called my cousin- he will be calling me back.
I did some other things that i do to try and soothe myself, creative outlets I have found that the goddess of my unconscious helps me with.

I feel it might calm me a bit tonight cause I was having another anxiety attack about how horrific this world is.

Ive been watching the news about the Pope. I usually don’t watch the news because it horrifies me. I wanted to know what he would say, though im not religious. Im glad talk of mercy, compassion and seeing the suffering is on the news.


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