Patriarchy: Not Out There. In Here

Trigger** self harm reference

Why as a child did I feel something was wrong with the imbalance of masucline and feminine power?As a child I felt this. Before I was even a teenager.
I could of course not express it in words, BUT I FELT IT.
Just today, i got in a horrrific argument with my parents after I told my dad I was not ‘a passive woman’ in response to him telling me to abruptly log off the computer ( which i am often on because its my safe haven and comfort from my misery with my health – explained in older posts.) with a good amount of barely repressed rage at the masculine energy on crack that has caused me so much horror through systems, religion and chronic emotional and physical invalidation-
just today I realized this patriarchy(or men as superior to women and in control) is not only pressent as the running force of most institutions, systems and fundamental religions- but in my home.

It may seem strange that I got an attitude over a computer, but talk to anyone who experiences daily invalidation and has felt long periods (years) of extreme powerlessness – better yet -if you’ve lived that – you know. If not, sorry I’m not going into explaining that tonight.

My parents are loving people, very dedicated to my heath and hope.
But they have experienced and accepted many old systems as okay, when because of my personality I constantly am up against and damaged by these old systems. I also see how these old systems damage and destroy others.

I cut twice today cause my pain was so severe. I craved and crave the feminine healing energy that has been lacking in this lifetime. I craved the masculine healing energy that realizes men are equal to women in all ways. The man is NOT the head of the woman. They are both the head, and powerful as hell when there gifts are both given EQUAL value.

Patriachy treats women like slaves. Period
Patriarchy treats the feminity found in BOTH women and men, like shit. Yes! Men are hurt too by patriarchy! Terribly so!
I know at least two highly sensitive men who rejected Christianity because of the spiritual misery it caused them. Both of which are very aware men.

Should men be blamed?No!! Never. Men have gifts and goodness we all need.
Frankly I always look up. I would have gotten killed for this in past lives-but I hold God accountable. Men and women are creation’s, it is God that either heals or lets things be ruined… and right now Gods energy is not pulling through well. God( masculine and feminine) has not given us a world of safety but of pain, and Patriarchy and Christianity grew out of a flawed creation and pain inflicted on men and women who may have felt being strong and overpowering was the only way to survive. Nature itself shames the vulernable.

I look to God and tell her to handle her stuff. I tell God he needs to see the pain of mankind, to really see it.

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