Involuntary Matyrdom

*Triggers* I write about deep pain, and my language is raw.

I remember years back, over ten years ago, I realized I was dying in all ways, that my life was falling apart and it seemed only I could see it. I remember telling my mom, “I dont want to be a martyr.’
I was in high school then, and indeed I saw what was happening to my life, though I had no way to express my terror, fear and stress at that time, except for my writing.

Recently Ive come to believe everyone is a martyr, whether they want to be or not. I dont believe Saints are the only martyrs, I think every single human on this earth is a martyr, because we are born into suffering(none of us escapes this), and our suffering is the cause of all development and growth of humanity– whether we want this or not.
Martyrdom is what we are as humans.
Everything any of us has, has come through the trail and error in the life of others.
Do you have clean water? Nice. That comes from trail and error of realizing water needed purification to drink, many suffered before that finding.

Have you lived past twenty two? Nice. That took work too. Do you have teeth? This took work to learn how to preserve teeth.
Do you know which foods are safe to eat? Do you know what medication to take for a condition you have?
Trail and error, lots of blood and sweat.
Welcome to life.

A part of me is in shock at how much suffering is intertwined in life. Everything is suffering. Absolutely everything. My soul is in shock over this but it is real, I cant ignore it– it is right in my face. I am living it.

And sorry (intense sarcasm), I don’t blame humans ‘sinfulness’.


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