expressing my pain

Triggers cutting and graphic Suicidal thoughts

Writing from phone. yestersay I woke up, feeling incredible sadness and pain. I cleaned up and cut a little on my arm. It felt very soothing. Like a breath of mercy that I more than need.
I’ve taken to wearing all black now that my one source of peace is gone. Energy is protected when wearing black too. I need all the protection I can get from all the misunderstanding around me.

Later today I got in a horrible fight with my parents. My mom flipped out, I flipped out, my dad flipped out. It’s a wonder no one died yesterday. Almost got thrown out, again.

Now they want me to go to a counselor through my wack money hungry insurance. Nothing is more triggering to me then these fucked systems.

I wish I was never born or that I died as a child in a accident.

Later that night I laid in the bath contemplating slitting my wIrst or overdosIng. I think the only reason I didn’t is cause I felt it wouldn’t work and I’d be coma for the rest of my miserable life.

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