More Harm

Triggers graphic cutting and sucidal thoughts and imaginings

Writing through my phone. My mom has still not given me my computer back. I deeply miss and need my creative space, the only happiness I get in my terrible life. I miss my friends who know me more than some of my friends I went to school with. I have found wonderfully quirky, creative, smart and otherworldly friends. People who love fantasy, art and beauty like me.
Today was a terrible day without my safe haven. I self harmed four times. I broke a glass by slamming it into the table. I felt the deep loneliness of having been born sensitive and expriencIng years of slow destruction. Excrucitaing destruction.

I so needed my friends today. I needed my beautiful safe haven and the way I am free with them. My pain was so great I imagined hanging myself from the ceiling fan.

I miss being myself, in a world where I am free and there is light. I thought of cutting off my hair. My hair symbolizes so much of the softness and freeness I was meant to be but will never be now.
My leg is burning from the light cuts, basically scratches and it is my only comfort.


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