The Indifferent Universe and Sensitives

I stopped writing on this blog for a time because my life became so miserable and unbearable that I had no ability to write or reflect on the horror of my life. Even writing right now feels very painful and re-traumatizing. Many more terrible thing have happened since I last wrote which I am unable to process right now, nor will I probably ever fully be able to.

I want to write about something because it is important.

I KNOW, not believe or think, I KNOW, that many people have experienced deep shame and suffering from the indifferent nature of the universe. The universe is not the same as God to me ( if there is a God). To say God is the universe is to say he is both cruel and merciful( which is of course the same thing we are taught when we are told to believe in hell, but anyway..). I don’t believe in a cruel God, if there is a God, he is not a torturer.
I have experienced torture through my illness, for years, and an eternity of torture would be only capable of a unthinkably evil God. I dont believe it.

Back to the universe. The universe doesnt give a fuck. It doesnt care if you fall break your leg and rot in a desert. It doesnt care if your family starves, very very slowly. It doesnt care if it rains on you or if you dehydrate to death. Nature may be very beautiful at times. I am still in awe every time it rains, but I also know nature doesnt give a fuck and would just as well wipe me out and torture me with illness( which it is currently doing).

The universe is particularly brutal on the sensitive. Dont believe me? I dont care.
All it takes is looking at the side of the road, Oh?! what do you see there?! A deer -.-

It is no irony that for many years I have felt loathing when I see deer, and it triggered my own self loathing. Why? Because I am much like a deer. I am sensitive and fragile and easily destroyed and ruined.

I used to not care for butterflies much, though I am very much like the creatures. Why? Because they are fragile. They get torn by rain.

If you dont see this in nature, I dont care. I see it, and I feel it, and I know it in my being.

It is a deep wound for all mankind, but I believe suffering sensitives are more aware of it.
The Universe does not care about our life, our well being, our health, our sanity, our bodies, our families, our whole collective mankind. If you dont think that affects us, and our spirits, and our health- you are wrong. It effects us deeply, not all aware of it though.

I have fought to keep from absorbing the great evils I have experienced from a indifferent universe, and it is still very hard. I have internalized the violence I have experienced by the universe and I frequently feel that the whole of the universe does not want me here, that I am not supposed to be here. It is extremely painful for me.

I hope to bring some awareness to this issue.
Sensitive one, it is not your imagination, the universe is indifferent: beautiful, horrible, rich, mysterious and indifferent. It does effect our spirit, bodies and mental, emotional health to realize that the Universe does not care about our lives, our growth or our destruction.

I do think there are light beings( such as angels, healing spirits that I think can speak through nature* but I still do not see this as being compassion from the universe, the universe to me is indifferent, it is the light spirit that shows compassion*) within the universe that do care, but unfortunately they are not there for many in times of need and there abilities are obviously limited, as well as any God spirit in this universe.

Sensitives must accept they are the butterfly and the deer- and be tender to themselves, because those who are not highly sensitives will not understand this.

β€œThe total amount of suffering per year in the natural world is beyond all decent contemplation. During the minute that it takes me to compose this sentence, thousands of animals are being eaten alive, many others are running for their lives, whimpering with fear, others are slowly being devoured from within by rasping parasites, thousands of all kinds are dying of starvation, thirst, and disease. It must be so. If there ever is a time of plenty, this very fact will automatically lead to an increase in the population until the natural state of starvation and misery is restored. In a universe of electrons and selfish genes, blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won’t find any rhyme or reason in it, nor any justice. The universe that we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but pitiless indifference.”
― Richard Dawkins, River Out of Eden: A Darwinian View of Life

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4 Comments

  1. I don’t believe in a cruel God either. However, if there is an infinite and loving God, then there has to be an infinite and hateful deity as well, which I guess is where the “God vs. Satan” stuff ties in. That’s the duality of life.

    I’m not sold on the whole “you do evil shit you go to Hell, you do good shit you go Heaven” Christian philosophy, personally. I believe in reincarnation, and I believe you have to work for either destination. And even then, based on the concept of infinity, there’s still room for spiritual growth or a place (we have no idea what’s out there in our universe, let alone in other planes of existence) to serve for the highest good. I highly doubt souls would be content with living in pure bliss, doing nothing but happy, unproductive things, forever (i.e. Heaven). I mean, maybe you’re not the type of being who likes liberating planets from evil, and being a spiritual warrior in that sense. Maybe it’s simpler for some, like reincarnating with your soulmate in a completely different world in a completely different time, meeting for the “first time” again, and having experiences and lives that you didn’t have before.

    If God is infinite, then surely he has infinite intelligence. So if I, a human with limited intelligence, can think of more complex possibilities than “live happily ever after forever” or “burn in fire forever”, then undoubtedly he can as well.

    As for this universe, it’s just a tiny bit of matter and a ton of empty space for the most part. The only other thing that we can confirm is here are living beings with souls. I don’t think it’s the universe that makes it difficult for the sensitive – I think it’s other people that do. And honestly there’s so much conditioning, it’s really easy to get desensitized to things. It’s like putting an Angel in a pit of demons, without any of them knowing what they are. I don’t think it’s the universe that doesn’t want you, since as you said, it’s indifferent; but rather the dark energies and beings on this particular planet. I imagine this sort of hostility could be sensed by Indigos on any other planet in any other universe as well. It all depends on the circumstances.

    Very interesting quotation by Richard Dawkins.

    • Thank you very much Levak for these posts and the time you put in them and the compassion. It helped me alot reading these posts.
      I have learned that I do not have to believe in a cruel God, which was my experience sadly of fundamentalist Christianity. There are many loving Christians but I find the God depicted as the creator of hell, who casts people there- is just unbearable. I have found some God and Goddess energies to work with, though in ways, I feel they are collective human energies/inspired at times by parts of nature( kinder parts I think).
      I definitely agree people don’t make it easy on sensitives. But also, the universe, and more closely, nature- is I find often brutal to sensitives.
      The sensitive creatures are closer to and often experience the horrors of life more vividly and harshly. They get eaten and torn apart because maybe they aren’t fast, maybe they only eat plants, maybe their limbs are fragile and delicate etc.

  2. No problem, butterfly. πŸ™‚

    I enjoy reading posts like this from people who have good hearts and are more spiritually aware. I try to console where I can, or share my own beliefs and experiences in an attempt to nurture the growth of others. I’m glad they helped. πŸ™‚

    Also, I read in some of your other posts that you are involved in an online community/communities with like-minded people. If it isn’t too much trouble, I was wondering if you could tell me which ones? The only community I’m currently involved in is a gaming clan that was founded 4 years ago, but the game is all but dead and it’s just a bunch of old friends keeping in touch.

    • I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. I had some troubles in the family and it caused me to become discouraged and sad, which takes me a while to cope with. I really do appreciate your kindness in sharing. I don’t write as often as I mean to on here and it was kind of you to write these responses, I found it encouraging and comforting.
      As for the online communities, I have mixed feelings about this now. I am easily traumatized and often get triggered by games- but at the same time I do think they are an amazing escape for people and help even in healing. You might enjoy finding more gaming places with like minds or even creating your own blog. I actually found out I was Indigo through this site, which was very healing for me. I say let your instinct guide you- go with your heart, I can tell your a wise soul.

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