Rejecting God

I have been given no chose other than to reject God. I do believe there is some type of a God because the world looks like a place of design. But I have nothing to make for certain he is compassionate. Based off of my suffering and the suffering around me and in this world and God’s choice or inability to act– I still see him as being a sadist and enjoying watching all this pain and misery.
Even if he is for some reason powerless to help, he still at some point made the whole thing and knew that it would turn into a pile of shit and hell and that would make him evil to have done it anyway.

The only type of God I could worship would be one that was not powerful AND not all knowing– because that seems to be the only way he would not be cruel and would not have purposely designed such misery and lack.

At the moment I am not sure that God lacks power and knowing, so therefore in my perception he is evil and I do not want to worship him or be anywhere near him, therefore having to reject him.

Some people maybe be shocked at the boldness of this post, but guess what…long term suffering, without help from doctors, or any notion of how to reduce the pain and misery makes a person very very bold and very blunt. I dont have patience for things that dont make sense, and I dont have patience for a cruel God.

If I were to find out God is truly loving and has nothing to do with those angry God depictions that appear many times in the Bible and many other religious and spiritual texts of a god obsessed with blood, blood, and suffering, and more suffering– I would be happy to have a God who cares and loves me. I have desired a God that loved that way since I learned of God as a child.

I cannot accept a God that demands grotesque suffering. I have suffered too much to accept any God that heaps suffering on people and smiles as if it is good, whether for a later purpose or any purpose at all. I cant.

So here, Ive gone and done about the most taboo thing a person can do– reject God because I find him( i use ‘him’ because the cruel depictions Ive read have all been of a masculine god) cruel.

But whether people easily admit it or not, I think many people have many of the same concerns and feelings as me( and have for all of history), which is why many people leave their religion.

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