My Current Spiritual Beliefs

Since I was a child I was a Christian. I took it very seriously and being close to God meant a great deal to me.
Due to my many horrific experiences since my teenage years and on through my young adult years and still ongoing, I now believe this..

I do not believe in a loving father-like God. I have a loving father and a loving mom and I know that they would try/ and do try everything in their power to keep me from destruction. God has not done that for me and does not do that for many people, presently and throughout history.  Instead I believe in a Universe that is in many ways indifferent, but that we as human beings can interact with through strong intention and karma.

I do not believe God protects, blesses or curses. I do not think he interacts much with humans, extremely rarely, if at all. I feel that we, as humans, interact, the majority of the time with one another. I believe we are in a very real way our only salvation from suffering, disease, starvation, war, prejudice, self hate. If we don’t save ourselves, no one will.

I do not think it is God who rescues or cures. I think we, human beings, do that. The power to heal, is a good power, and I imagine it comes from whatever “God” is- whether a male/or female being. Still, I feel it is not God that chooses to save one person, and let another person die. I think that it is simply the resources, the connection that person had to his/her own healing abilities, the support, the amount of damage. There are always reasons. I do not believe in miracles anymore.
For example, in the book of Job, I do not see that God portrayed as loving or compassionate, but extremely indifferent. I do however see Job as strong, hopeful, and a soulful man who survived a horrific torment.

These are my current beliefs. I do not care about outside opinion of whether they are right or wrong, true or not. They are true to me, and they come from experience with longstanding intense and excruciating, physical and emotional suffering.


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