Femininity and Suffering
On God and Femininity
During all this suffering, I most wanted protection. My parents gave me all the protection they could, but no one could save me from my illness. There wasn’t an inch of pain God didn’t let me feel. I will never forget that.
When I was younger, I fell in love with the book of Song of Solomon. That was the kind of love I wanted from a future lover. I also felt God loved me that way. Everyone has their own way of relating to God, and my relationship with God was always passionate.
I am a person of intense emotions and I do nothing without passion.
The Bible is actually full of very passionate descriptions of God’s love. Those are the ones that spoke to me more than any of the others.
So my pain over being abandoned by God has been grievous. I actually have nothing to compare it to.
On Femininity and Suffering
For some reason, I feel that there is a illusion in literature, society, even religion, that women do not suffer deeply. That our physical pain is not real, or is somehow less.
I encountered this sense also when bringing my pain to some doctors, I would feel as though old age concepts of “hysteria” and illness coming from the womb were ingrained in their psyche. I have experienced much belittling from doctors and I feel that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am a woman.
Woman suffers just as powerfully as man.
These days, one of the few things that brings me some peace is reading from a book on the lives of the saints. I read about all the horrific suffering both men and women, ordinary people suffered. There is a place for misery to rest, softly in pages. I am encouraged by the men and women, both full of courage.
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