I am in so much anguish

I am in so much anguish it is not even funny

I used to say things like, “I feel like I’m being tortured” but no– that is only because I felt too ashamed to say the real reality which is- I am without a doubt being tortured

I have had two tortured dreams in the past two weeks. On involving me and my parents, the other involving strangers.

I am a thousand times over my pain threshold. On top of being physically and emotionally tortured due to my very excruciating and long lasting sickness, I am tortured by seeing the unbearable amount of stress on my parents. Now my mom is having struggles with balance, and doesn’t feel herself- now going on a little past a week, and is having more problems with her eyes and other things.

She is suffering from the overwhelming stress of having to have been on the minefield of hell with me and my sickness.

I feel even more unbearable pain knowing I have caused her so much suffering and am crazy desperate for her health struggles to be healed immediately.

If I get healed ever and my mom is not healed– I minus well be dead. I want to be well for my parents, but if one of my parents is sick- I will NEVER emotionally recover from that ironic cruelty. More than anything that will BREAK ME.

Thinking about that last night I almost lost my mind, it was excruciating to think of. Last night I was over my head overwhelmed in anguish.

I am being tortured AND I have to watch my parents tortured emotionally and now my mom tortured physically!

I promise, there is only so much more of this I can humanly cope with.

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