I dont know what to do

Its hard when your fatally wounded, not knowing what your going to do, dragging like hell through life….

and on top of that, you have to make precise decisions, because one mistake could be too costly to recover from.

I don’t want to loose my counselor.

She is extremely compassionate and seen me falling apart in front of her and still wanted to work with me. That is hard to come by, in fact, its extremely rare.

Simply put, I am struggling to get to her office. The day trip to get there is hard on me because my stomach and dietary needs are erratic. My body is entirely unpredictable. My body is far past forgiving me for slight errors.

On Friday I blunted bowel movement( I know this is damaging but it is the reaction when unable to get to a bathroom in time. But I can not afford to and it causes severe complications because I have struggled with stomach paralysis) to make sure I got to the appointment on time, and the appointment went wonderful, but the rest of the day I was in extreme physical distress, misery, stomach discomfort and disoriented.

I never win. No matter what good thing I do , I suffer for it.
I don’t know what to do but I have been really getting the sharp edge of torture in my brain.

I am afraid of everything falling apart and me doing something crazy.

But it wouldn’t be crazy at all, not for these circumstances…

As resistant as I am to God these days. I am so accepting prayer….

#Desperate

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