The Suffering that Lacks All Meaning?

* This May Offend Some. Cursing. Disbelief. Anger. Please do not read if this will trigger or injure you. I try to flag my more heated posts*

I have some severe issues with the light way “the problem of suffering” is often addressed in articles and books.

As someone who is and has severely suffered I do not care about the future benefit of my suffering in the moment that I feel I may loose my mind from loss and excruciating pain (bear with me). I could care less in the moment of searing anguish. I just want some damn water for the fire.

No book or article I have read has given me water for the fire. None.

No Bible verse has either.

To tell someone who is being tortured by pain that their pain will help someone else a decade in the future does nothing to give compassion and care to their very real, very present suffering and loss. I don’t think it is wrong to say that good will come from suffering, because it is my hope that that is true, but the individual needs to be seen clearly in their misery and acknowledged for the extent of loss.

Even God has seemed heartless in addressing pain. Telling Job that he can do anything he wants at the end of the the book does not make me feel any better. I stared at the pages like….this is not comforting, in the slightest. In fact I found it scary.

So what am I to do with the moments I did feel Gods love, unconditional and sweet as a lover? I have tried to write those moments off, but I cannot. Sadly, I know they were real.

But that sweet lover seems entirely gone, and all I see now is a cold, emotionless God who would not know what it felt like to cry and feel sadness or pain.

I am tired of trying to reason out this suffering, that, I’m sure, has destroyed more people than anyone wants to admit.

Reasoning without comfort is torment.

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2 Comments

  1. beijaflor77

    Rachel, I’m so sorry you’re feeling the way you are right now. I know my words will probably bring little comfort, especially when I know I don’t have the right words to say, but I just want to tell you that someone out here in cyberspace can relate to much of what you’re feeling. You are not alone. God feels uncaring and a million miles away from me too, much of the time. I don’t understand suffering either. And I hate it when others try to “reason” away my suffering, like Job’s friends. Sometimes there are no reasons. And, as you said, reasoning without comfort is torment. So I would never attempt to “reason” away your pain. Just know you’re not alone. And hang in there. And I pray that God would meet us both in our places of pain and abandonment.

  2. April,
    Thank you for this message. It touched my angry heart for sure. It also brought comfort. I am sorry that you also know these feelings, as I know you have experienced deep pain in your life. I like what you wrote: “That sometimes there are no reasons.” My wish is that God would, as you wrote with hope, “meet us both in our places of pain and abandonment.” My prayer is in agreement with yours.
    This message really was like a balm on my fury today. I really appreciate it April.
    -Rachel

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