I Broke Down this Morning

I felt so powerfully sad this morning that I went to my mom crying and ranting about how sad and hurt I was.

I have tried talking to Jesus these past few nights that my mind has been viciously overwhelmed. I received no peace.

I didn’t know it was possible to feel so much grief.

I constantly feel like I am two steps away from becoming that woman in literature, always passionate, always deep feeling, who after extreme suffering tears out her hair, tears her clothes and walks the streets. I am one of them, there are no lines in between.

I may be healing, and I may be getting worse. I cant even tell at the moment because I have been sick for so so long and had so many false hopes.

I feel like I have been in hell for about four years.

I feel destroyed.

I feel dangerously injured and am constantly, once again, desiring to punish myself for existing and suffering so much.

My anger and sadness cant even fit in my own mind.

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