Feeling Sad Today

I am extremely sad.

Physically, I am very afraid of not healing- mainly because I don’t want my family to go through that.

I feel lonely because no one ( except Jesus who knows my whole being) knows the depth of my pain and loss. I think he felt it all, all my pain, and every single person’s pain in the world, and is still feeling it.

I am sad and often feel abandoned by God and Jesus because the suffering is too much.

I feel I have the answer to my healing, but wonder if it is too late, or if it is really the answer at all.

A large part of me is furious with myself for making so many mistakes in my life that have gotten my body to such a damaged, destroyed place at age 26.

I am very sad, because I realize I do not want to die, I want to be here with my parents and brothers, I want to help people because of the degree of pain I have suffered.

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” Mark 14:34



  1. Trevor Karr

    I really liked this! Well written, I look forward to future posts! keep your head up

  2. beijaflor77

    Rachel, I can relate to your feelings so much. Even now, as I’m grappling with my present pain, and all the pain I’ve endured throughout my life, I often feel God has completely abandoned me. So I understand. But hang in there. And believe that you do have a future.

    • I’m sorry you are suffering so intensely April, and have for so long. Thank you for sharing that you also often feel abandoned by God. I pray he has compassion on us both in our suffering, and that we both will heal.

      • beijaflor77

        Amen. 🙂

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