Feeling Sad Today
I am extremely sad.
Physically, I am very afraid of not healing- mainly because I don’t want my family to go through that.
I feel lonely because no one ( except Jesus who knows my whole being) knows the depth of my pain and loss. I think he felt it all, all my pain, and every single person’s pain in the world, and is still feeling it.
I am sad and often feel abandoned by God and Jesus because the suffering is too much.
I feel I have the answer to my healing, but wonder if it is too late, or if it is really the answer at all.
A large part of me is furious with myself for making so many mistakes in my life that have gotten my body to such a damaged, destroyed place at age 26.
I am very sad, because I realize I do not want to die, I want to be here with my parents and brothers, I want to help people because of the degree of pain I have suffered.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” Mark 14:34