Confronting the Unknown

It’s January 1st. A new year. It doesn’t mean much to me this time around, but I do appreciate it.

The reality is that I am on the same journey, it has not instantly changed. I am still walking into what has been a pitch back void of unanswered questions. I will keep on walking.

Tonight I am thinking a lot of things. I am freaked out about my shallow breathing and these past few days I haven’t gotten much sleep because of it.

I am going to be working with a new doctor, the one my mom told me about, which I feel very good about.

The issue is, unbeknownst to absolutely everyone around me, I am afraid as to how much time I have to figure this all out.

I’m embarrassed to say in my gut I feel if I don’t figure out whats up and get treatment very soon, quite frankly I know this already horrific situation is going to turn into a full blown and permanent tragedy.

If anything will heal me, if anything, it will be following my instincts, following my gut, believing in my perceptions– the very opposite of what I have done majority of my life.

I truly believe sensitives are gifted with healing abilities, not that they cant die and be injured in the same way that any person can, they can. I think that if the sensitive can find their peace with that vulnerability and unique knowing, then anywhere– a sensitive can find some sort of healing, which may in some cases only be internal healing inside a broken body.

In undergrad I majored in English Lit. I love writing and stories and want to get my masters in creative writing( God willing I’ll be able to( though I find it impossible to want to be close to God right now).

I believe in the power of stories. I love the concept of archetypes. It resonated with me.

In stories, there is often the healer, and there is the wounded healer. The wounded healer has gone through extreme amounts of pain. The wounded healer has been crushed by pain and then somehow, after in a way being shattered they take the knowledge of their hell journey and help others. I hope that for myself and for anyone reading that it resonates with.

I’m looking to find that extremely hidden place.

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