Anxious for Testing
I am anxious for my hormone test now that I have a better understanding of what adrenal fatigue means. I desperately want to know if that’s what has been causing my bodily deterioration.
Having a name and cause for my suffering would mean the world to me right now because I can then finally begin to truly heal, knowing what I’m fighting against- AND- I will no longer have to receive “it’s all in your head” type implications from doctors and even well meaning loved ones.
I will no longer have to feel ashamed for feeling like I’m dying or the pain I’ve been in.
Right now I am trying to keep calm but it is more or less impossible for me to stay calm for long. This year it has felt like every nerve in my body has been slashed.
All I can do is try to be kind to myself though every part of my body has gone haywire. I have purchased my favorite show seasons 3 and 4. The show is Everwood. It has been a long time since it was on tv, but I loved the show and I love seeing it again as many of the episodes I missed.
The show strangely enough gives me peace and hope when I watch it.
Tomorrow I need to contact my doctor early morning. I know that means because of my insomnia and inability to go to bed before 4 am I will only get a few hours of sleep tonight– but it is extremely necessary- it is important to speak to him asap because of my distressing new symptoms including shallow breathing. Usually I sleep from 4 am to 2:30pm. This has been the case more or less this whole year. My desire is to not get up any day because of the severity of my pain but this whole year I felt if I didn’t keep moving I’d end up diagnosed with something I shouldn’t be and ALL off my physical pain would be ignored and I’d be hospitalized, deteriorating and it would be chalked up to my mind as opposed to my body severely failing.
I need some relief.
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