This Curious World
I do not feel attached to this curious world.
This world that can hit you with pain that drives you out of your mind.
This world were there is little safety to go around.
This world that fails many many many people.
My romanticism and idealism has taken a fatal blow.
I no longer want the things I once did.
I just want to be free of unbearable pain. I want my body to function like a normal human again.
I don’t want to feel like I am walking the tight rope between death and life.
I am so screwed up physically and emotionally that in ancient days past I feel I would have warranted a mercy killing. I feel I would have been grateful for it and went without a fight.
I used to want a knight, because I too am a warrior. I always have been. Now I just want to be alone.
I am afraid if I give any more of my internal self I will end up going insane if trauma comes into my life again. It scares me because I am not sure if God would prevent another large blow even though He knows I can not handle it.
How am I ever supposed to feel safe again?
Maybe I’m not meant to feel safe except for in my imagination.
But I still crave safety, I crave healing, I crave to be able to go into the world to help others, I crave the creativity in my soul to be able to find a place to exist.
Dreaming of someplace I do not know…