Some people suffer and never are rescued. That is me. Tired as death, but no one will ever know or understand how much I have suffered. For a young woman not even yet thirty, I have dealt with more than is mentally digestible. I no longer believe everything has a purpose. I think life is close to the animal kingdom. If you are a deer you will get hit twice on the side of the road, and the car will keep driving.
I am a deer.
The fragile, sensitive, feelers suffer the worst, I am convinced.
I think now, life is full of arbitrary pain. I do not think any of it means anything. I think God does protect and care for some, but not me.
If I ever did have a purpose, it is obviously to be a vessel of unnatural pain over and over until I die. No limits to the pain.
I see why people FAIL life, its because they were given no answers and left to suffer endlessly.
Life to me now is no more than a more complicated animal kingdom and I can not stand being here. I am here for my family and that is it.
I am not writing for anyone who does not understand. I am writing for those who do.
I don’t believe there is any mercy in life anymore, I only believe there is luck and I have had little.