God and Suffering
Recently I have been thinking of God a lot during the fire of my suffering. I have had a lot of rage toward God and a great deal of existential pain, with questions like, “Did God make me to destroy me?”, “Was a created just to be a vessel of pain.”
These feelings are very sensitive to me. They come from great pain.
Recently a good friend was telling me a true story about a man who was a Christian missionary and he went with his daughter to do the missions. His daughter was attacked by some of the people he was seeking to share the Gospel with and they set her on fire. She burned to death.
The father lost his daughter to a horrific death of being burned by fire.
A time later when the father was still in the land, the person’s who had burned her alive came to him and said they were being tormented by a man that the father knew to be Jesus. That Jesus was appearing to them angry in their dreams.
This stuck with me.
I have felt God and Jesus have been cold and uncaring toward me these many years. I know there will still be many times that I feel that way.
But this story has been on my mind because Jesus getting angry showed he was furious and horrified at what was done to his precious child.
I have two loving parents and I will specifically use the example of my father ( though my mom would do the same in a heartbeat)- my dad would go through hell and high water to keep me from destruction. When he knows I am hurt he is both deeply sad and upset. My dad would tear someone apart before letting them hurt me.
In thinking of Jesus being angry I thought about when he was angry at the inappropriate dealings in the temple.
I wonder how much more so is he angry when a child created in Gods image, who he died for, is torn apart?
I think he is furious, because of the burning love in his heart.
I hope I get to see and feel this furious love one day.