Insomnia and thinking about the Future

I have had a type of insomnia this whole year because of chronic physical pain and severe health concerns.

I have great physical damage to my body as a result of the years I was shame bound and pushing my body mercilessly.

I have a inexpressible amount of sadness for the way my body is broken and I am traumatized by the years I was trapped in binding shame- trying to do everything perfect.

I am not able to bring myself to explain all the physical damage right now because I am still in it, still suffering and do not know what will happen.

Sometimes I wonder if other people are going through what I am. Have other people ran themselves into the ground because they were invisibly chained by shame? Does anyone else know what it feels like to be destroyed?

I know I am not at all alone in my experience but at the moment I feel toxic shame has never ruined someone so badly.




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